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philthepill.online · @philthepill.online@bridge.neodb.net

Rated Jurassic World Rebirth 2/10

Even discarding the baggage of Chris Pratt, this franchise is offensive to me personally and I think, quite possibly, also an affront to God. What the characters say to each other isn't really what we've come to understand as screenplay dialogue. Instead, they're kind of exchanging plot tokens to advance a perfunctory, mercenary, uninspired shrug-fest that limply tries to imitate the best hits of the first movie. There's a prologue with the death of a worker dealing with these creations. The main character is skeptical about the call to adventure, but they are enticed by money. Along the way, we get to see the cast "discuss" their philosophical views on what the return of dinosaurs means about life on Earth. There's one major scene where the paleontologist gets to make goo-goo eyes at a nice dinosaur or two. Did you want to see some of these marketed mutant dinosaurs? You gotta pay the T-Rex toll. A long, drawn-out "T-Rex endangering children" scene. Oh, and those children? What if they had absolutely no reason to be a part of this plot? What if our screenplay glitched and just kind of made four characters appear out of nowhere and also be separated from the main cast for most of the runtime? That's what we in the business call "boundary-pushing." Who's to say if this is actually worse than the Legacy Character masturbation fest that was the JW Dominion shitshow? Right now, it's the latest one I've seen and thus its insults to one of my favorite movies of all time are fresh in my memory. I still curse the original Chris Pratt reboot for making these possible. The 2015 movie belongs in the deepest level of movie hell and I banish this one to one level above it, hoping that at some point Netflix or the Ellisons just buy Comcast and in their greedy-fingered fumbling accidentally press a button deleting these forever.

#movie

Published 2025-12-09 00:00 UTC · bridged from Atmosphere